Friday, June 20, 2014

A review of a review of Tripykon's "Melana Chasmata"

If you are reading this you may have also read reviews of albums on www.metal-archives.com or maybe not. Anyway, I am the type of person who will pass time by looking bands up and reading reviews. Some reviews are actually really entertaining or just funny as hell. In fact, my favorite reviews are the really bad ones where the writer just gets way to emotionally involved in the bashing! Anyway, I figure since everyone will be talking about the latest Triptykon and kissing its balls, I wanted to post a review some guy named "bitterman" wrote (who gave the album 0%) and respond to his observations. Here goes!

"bitterman" wrote: Aside from having the namesake of Tom G. Warrior attached to this project, nothing about this album approaches the artistic scope of past successes. Sounding like an even more disjointed and overlong (also, one-dimensional) version of Celtic Frost's Into the Pandemonium covered by Roots era Sepultura, Melana Chasmata is over an hour of half-baked doom and groove metal cliches of the single string 2 note vapidity variety, angsty lyrics ("why did you abandon me!?"), and flirtations with goth whininess. Completely unremarkable, this hasty mess of an album sounds like a focus group project that aimed to satisfy the simple tastes of pickup truck drivers attempting to appear "cultured" the world over (guys who wear Black Label Society t-shirts that claim Diamond Darrell is the greatest guitar player to have ever lived and watch Zeitgeist to "know what's up").

Shaxul: Well FUUUCKIN goddamn bitterman let it out! Let's see, well bitterman rattles off a number of potent visuals basically referencing, I think, an overall leaning towards nu-groove metal. that is VERY bad of course! But this is a tough one sometimes because there was plenty of heavy grooves in early thrash and Celtic Frost was one of the "grooviest." So it is a bold statement to compare "Melana Chasmata" so simply and quickly to "roots" era Sepultura. Upon a quick listen you could perhaps hear a few riffs from this album and pass it off as "generic groove," but a few minutes of this and it's quickly obvious that we are dealing with a "doom" groove and not a "nu metal" groove. So bitterman is being overly dramatic because he took a quick snapshot and made a quick decision without much thought, me thinks.

Maybe it's Tom's Beanie that pisses off bitterman. The thing about Tom's beanie is that it doesn't make you think of American sports teams. It makes you think more of Nosferatu trying to adapt to the trends. Or Frankenstein trying to dance. There is something...disturbing about Tom's fanatic insistence on appearing with that bloody thing on! And I like the fact that it is awkward and he still does it. True freaks in metal are a rarity these days. And let's face it, Tom is a legendary freak if there ever was one!!

bitterman is too focused on making modern comparisons to appreciate what is unique about the album. I think it is possible he has not heard enough 70s/80s hard rock/metal to get the fact that GROOVE was actually good in metal at one point. And just because NU Metal "borrowed it" doesn't mean they own it forever.

"bitterman" wrote: Songs plod along listlessly and do not resolve any of their conflicts upon completion. Constant unnecessary detours (I imagine for the sake of "quirkiness" or being "avant-garde") show that no real thought were put into making these songs work. When stepping outside the bounds of "doomy" tempos (like on Breathing), Triptykon fumble, sounding like tired old men trying to act "angry". Various forced vocal styles such as crooning, yelling, and spoken word (mumbling?) attempt to spice up the album with "variety", but the similar patterns of plodding rhythm riffs that are sometimes occasionally thrown next to discordant, jangly "goth" whininess (if not programming which accomplishes the same) remain constant throughout.

Shaxul: Man is this guy a former Celtic Frost member or what? I mean "Breathing" is such a godly awesome song! I guess he has a problem with the way it starts slow and then gets violently fast. The song starts kind of trippy and doomy. It's called an INTRO bro! So then a crazy discordant riff busts in, violent drums, and now we are experiencing a lesson in violence Triptykon style! Now the way in which Triptykon shifts from the droning notes of the intro into the violent chaotic thrash beat is perfectly well written. I mean, these guys know how to write songs! It takes you to 2 or 3 places. And the changes flow well. Tired old men? Man this drummer sounds like a young Scott Travis! I mean christ, what do you want? Killer tone, killer chops, killer sense of groove - where the fuck did Tom find this guy? Songs are fairly formulaic, so I think it's the drastic dynamic changes which bitterman is seeing as not making sense and being "lazy." I dunno, I think its just over his head. And this album is NOT that hard to understand really.

The spoken word stuff is a personal thing. I actually hated all of Tom's vocals from Into the Pandemonium through Vanity Nemesis. His "spoken word" stuff here sounds better. Not as annoying. I don't think Tom throws these sections in at random or to be overly "artsy", they are well placed and do enhance the songs and bring different moods. But you do have to buy into the dark concept of the album to appreciate them I would say. And I think bitterman wrote this off too quickly to embrace the mood.

bitterman really seems to be questioning the basic songwriting skills of the band here, which is kind of absurd because these guys (and girl) are pros! It sounds to me like bitterman made a snap decision not to like this and just totally overlooks all the intricacies and just goes "ah fuck it bunch of noise" like Clint Eastwood in "Gran Tarino." Come on bitterman, lighten up.

I mean look at classical music. A lot of times in classical music I find the dramatic changes to be a bit confusing and distracting. But with classical, the melody and changes are everything. In Metal, it is very much VISCERAL. So when a very visceral band such as Triptykon gets into arrangement and dynamic changes in a classical song structure sort of way, it can quickly alienate a certain group. But honestly, if you are a fan of at least the first 2 Celtic Frost albums, there is NO WAY IN HELL you can simultaneously DISLIKE this album so much. Because fuck me if it doesn't sound like Celtic Frost took a time machine from 1985 to 2014 and wrote a fuckin album called "Melana Chasmata!" I mean this shoulda came out instead of "Cold Lake" and that woulda ruled!

"bitterman" wrote: When this album ends, all that can be gathered is that Thomas Fischer is content to wallow in one fixed emotional state (angsty despair) to make money off those gullible enough to believe any of his music past To Mega Therion is worth listening to. I recommend purchasing the Hellhammer demos compilation instead to hear the sound of a musician out to change the world because this is just a lazily manufactured mainstream audience pandering media product at best. Dull and vapid.

Shaxul: duuuuude that is so retarded! Mainstream audience pandering??? I mean let's take a look at one of Hellhammer's heaviest songs: "Triumph of Death." What does it sound like? It sounds like a really shitty recording of Triptykon! Triptykon IS Hellhammer you fool! Ok yeah I know it's not the same band. But the DOOM element in Celtic Frost (and even Hellhammer to a degree) is really where Triptykon is at. All of the violence and darkness is here, it's just being done with the best production and best players. i think many fans get connected to the run down demo era of a band and have a hard time realizing that it sounded fucked up NOT on purpose but because they were BROKE! Some artists actually make great art even when they have a budget and competent equipment! So that's what this is. If you wanna sit there and go "dude this is so slow and boring" well - the riffs are interesting, they have dynamics, they are painful at times - I think bitterman doesn't "get" doom yet.

I rate bitterman's review 50% not on accuracy, but on entertainment value alone!

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