Thursday, December 19, 2013

MANOWAR (for $75)

As an 80s kid, I dug the hell out of all the Van Halen hits. But being a kid, I didn't attend many concerts in the 80s. So when I heard about Van Halen re-uniting with David Lee Roth and playing Oakland, I had to go. I'd never seen em, and who knows if/when they'll break up again? So I shelled out $100, which was the most I ever paid for a concert. I'm pretty cheap so that was a big deal to me. I knew my seats would be less than awesome, but they were even worse than that. Way up in the back in the absolute highest, back row on the upper level, way off to the side. "I paid $100 for this?" So I chose to walk around and find some crevice with at least a better view. I ended up watching from the back center hiding behind some curtains so I wouldn't get booted by the staff. Anyway, Eddy is obviously past his prime, but it was still a great show. Would I do it again? Nah. Not for $100. If I bother I will spend $300 for good seats. What's the point of blowing $100 on shit seats? I guess the people I saw in the front paid $300? $400? $500? Shit, who knows? The shirts were absurdly expensive in the lobby. I saw a tee shirt for $35 I think. That was the cheapest thing there, and the line was like 30 feet long. All this for a band that sings about chicks, doctors, fighting, tattoos, etc...and has a singer famous for dancing around with no shirt and skin tight pants flopping his crotch bulge all over and doing the splits. THAT's worth it bro. But Manowar? Oh come on that's gay!

Now It's been a good 5 years or more since Manowar played the West Coast, maybe even the US. Being a Manowar fan, I naturally was excited to hear they were finally coming back. When I heard tickets were $75, I was a little shocked. But then I remembered how awesome the last Manowar show I saw was and compared it to the Van Halen show I saw and figured ok: I'll spend less than I did on Van Halen, I'll be up close, they are playing all of Kings of Metal, and they only come like once every 5 years or less. Say if they had come every year for the last 5 years and charged $20. Well, that's $100 right there! So if I see em once every 5 years or less at $75, it's actually a bargain! And for the record, Manowar kicked more ass than Van Halen did. It's not about lyrics, muscles, bulges, hits, irony, or any of that - I'm just talking about rocking hard at top volume with no musical compromise.

Now here's where I "justify digging Manowar..." A Metal band really has very few messages to impart. And regardless of what metal band you pick, they can mostly all be regarded as retarded lyrically. Rock in general is loud guitars, songs about sex, death, war, victory, wizards and warriors, etc...so rather than contradict themselves and pretend they are more sophisticated than that (like alot of punk does), Manowar embrace the stereo-types and even enforce them. So, xxx punk band sings about glue-ing their dickhole shut. Manowar sings another song about STEEL. Now, is Manowar more retarded because they take their message seriously? Is singing about glue-ing your dickhole shut cooler because the band is joking? Wouldn't this band be MORE intense if they were NOT joking about gluing their dick-hole shut? I mean, that would be pretty scary. And it's people like gg Allen who get idolized. A guy who certainly had a sense of humor. But he THREW SHIT ON PEOPLE with no real irony or humor I could see on his face! This was a seriously disturbed man. And his intensity stemmed from his SERIOUS abnormal condition. I don't think he was joking at all when he threw shit. I mean, when your parents name you "Jesus Christ" I don't think there is a joke left in the world you can laugh at.

So...when you spend all day hating work, your boss, your wife, yourself, etc...and here comes these fools, living out some Lord of the Rings trip, playing the part without irony, even having the nerve to call themselves the "Kings of Metal?" Well you know what, that's a fun, retarded trip I'm gonna take. At least they won't throw shit at me ;)